NO SUGAR COATING HERE. Read at your own risk!  / Mandy (Eriks Mom )

How grief affects your life.
The non sugar coated, truth!

There are many books available on grief. I’m sure they are very helpful, and have aided many through the process. I find the “steps” of grief in most of these books to be to vague and too commonly predictable. Grief is anything but predictable and is different for everyone. The bottom line is GRIEF SUCKS! I have spoken to many many people who have lost their children, and we are all so similar, that it’s surprising a book has not been written about the TRUTH concerning grieving. I just might have to do that. Grief affects your whole life, and it changes TONS of things about you and your life. Here are examples that I have chosen to write, to hopefully help others. Books are fine, but 99% of them are the cookie cutter version of what grief is thought to be like.


~You WILL be judged~

After something like this happens, you will be judged for everything. At first it feels like people care, after awhile, you realize, they are all crazy. Lol Ok, not all of them. Everything you do will be because of grief. Everything is read into, and it really gets quite entertaining after awhile, after you get past the stage where it pisses you off that is. Now I really don’t care. If someone is ignorant enough to judge me without even knowing me, they don’t warrant my time being wasted on thinking about why they do what they do. There is no gray area for me, it’s black and white. Take me or leave me. Oh, and for all my fellow angel moms out there, I’ll say it…WE MIGHT JUST HAVE PMS! 

~Relationships~

The loss of a child is either going to make your break your relationship. I wasn’t even married at the time Erik was killed, and it could have easily fallen apart if our relationship was weak. We did not fall apart. Dale has been nothing but understanding on my tough days, or when he leaves a room and comes back 1 minute later and there are tears running down my face. He just says “Oh honey what’s wrong” and hugs me. He want’s me to grieve for Erik. He never did for his mom and understands it’s importance now. Now there is NOTHING we can’t deal with. If you can get through the death of a child and be there for one another, your set for life.

~Nonsense~

You will deal with a lot of nonsense. Ignore it. Laugh first, then ignore it. I have heard it ALL since Erik has died. People that think you owe them somehow because they were there for you when your child died. People who will pull the card “Well I was at your sons wake and funeral.” or “We did this or that for you when Erik died” Well yea, what do you want, a blue ribbon?? I didn’t know that when someone loses a loved one, and you are there for them, that in return you owed them for it. I love how people just don’t do things because it’s right anymore. People always want a payback, or except you to be forever indebted to them. Yea, ignore the nonsense, there will be tons of it! 

~Your childs friends~

This pertains mostly to parents who have lost older kids. You will find that your childs friends will probably come around a lot to comfort and be there for you. Plus they find comfort themselves in your childs room and being around his belongings. People start to judge once again and question this after a while that you are using these kids to "replace" your own child or live your deceased childs life through them. Ok, some might do that, for most, that is once again ignorance! NO ONE can replace my child. Let's get that straight first. Secondly, Erik's friends were like family far before he died. You will also hear people say that they are not your "real children." Hmm..what defines a real child and a not real child? I say throw the word biological out the window first of all. What defines a family has nothing to do with blood lines anymore. So, adopted kids, and children of that sort are not "real" to their new parents? Same with stepchildren? They are not the step parents "real" child? I was always the younger mom in looks and age. I have always been silly and young at heart, so Erik's friends had a ball here. They come to our house still to this day because THEY WANT TOO! They text us, call us, or just come over. Not once have we said...HEY YOU GUYS GET OVER HERE! lol Yea, that's it, we tie them up and drag them here weekly.  You are also going to hear they come because they feel sorry for you. LOL We feel sorry for them that they like us! LOL  People that say those kinds of things, it's their own insecurities talking.  I don't think after 2 years, they come here because they feel sorry for us. They are family, and they are just as real to me as Erik was, as far as my children go. There is a boy that has been in my life since he was 4, he has had a very hard time, in and out of trouble because of personal problems in his family. He is now 16. He wrote me a letter 2 weeks ago and told me he just wanted me to know he loves me, and that i was the only person that he trusts and that i influenced him to want to be better. That touched me so much. I guess i should write him back now and tell him, WHOOPS sorry, your not my REAL child. Families are made up of many different people, and if your childs friends are coming around, it's because they want too, and if you are like us, they have become a permanent part of your life.

~The GET OVER IT comments~

I haven’t heard this much, but it’s so ignorant it doesn’t deserve much of a response on here. To this I say. If you have a child already, or when you do in the future. You love it for a while and raise it. Then someone is going to come snatch it away and you will never ever see it again. Now you get over it. If you can, you probably should not have had any to begin with. NEXT!

~Holidays~

They suck. You try to make it good for the people around you, but in reality, they might suck forever. I have noticed so far it’s not the actual DAY I have a hard time with. It’s the day leading up to the holiday or right after. Christmas is my favorite time of year, and it was nice, but there is a huge void that you can’t ignore. Family and friends have to be understanding and I know it’s hard, but that is just the way it is. You might never want to celebrate much at all. People just need to go on for themselves and celebrate, if you want to be included someday, tell them you will let them know if your feelings change. Birthdays, weddings etc..are nothing but a reminder of what you will never have with your child. So if people cannot understand, oh well. If they pull the card “Well it’s been how many years and you still can’t do this, you need to get over that” Feel sorry for them. I will be 100 and will never “get over” my natural feelings of sadness that my son is no longer in this world. If going to a wedding is going to make me a bucket of tears. Then why would I do that to myself. People need to deal with it. We do plenty of fun things, just because it’s not what others think we should be doing, I can’t worry about that. Do what is BEST FOR YOU!

~Feelings~

You will be told how your supposed to feel a lot! Again, ignore it. Parents who have lost a child are going to have a 1000 feelings, and they change all the time. How did their child die? Were they the victim of a crime? Was it due to an illness. Was it because of a drunk driver? How they deal with the people involved in their child’s death, and the death itself is NO ones business! I’m sure people think it’s strange that I am not angry at the person who was driving the car when Erik was killed. I know he didn’t intend to do it. It was kids being stupid, and it ended in a horrible way. Do I think that the driver woke up that morning and thought …”Hmm I think I’ll Kill Erik Anderson this morning” I mean how stupid! God does not want that for me. It’s a horrible thing that happened, and what is done is done. I can’t live my life full of anger or wondering if that driver has enough remorse to satisfy me. I don’t want to ruin another life, so I hope he never forgets, but moves forward as well. Some kids get cancer, some kids commit suicide, some die due to murder, some live to be 100 and some die in an auto accident. It’s called life. It has to happen to someone…and it happened to me. So don’t tell me how to feel.

~Your not fine. Really your not~

People will never be convinced you are fine. So just get used to it. If you do anything people don’t agree with, and even if you have always done it before your child was killed. They will be convinced it’s because you are grief stricken and going crazy. A LOT changes in your life when something like this happens. You may get strong enough to admit things you have always wanted to say to people. You might end up having a lot of people drop out of your life, due to their choice or yours. No matter what it is, people will always blame what they want on the fact that your child died and your using it as a crutch. There is no point in trying to explain it to them either that you are fine, because they are convinced that everything that comes out of your mouth is because you are in denial. Ignore it, because you will go crazy if you don’t.

~DEAD or REAL~

People will refer to living people as real, and your child as dead and not real. If you have other children, they will say “Your real child, not your dead one” Hmmm…my child was real. I have known many moms that deal with this. Again, it’s stupidity. Ignore it.

~Forget the dead~

For some reason, people think because someone dies we are supposed to forget them. If that is the case, then why do we have wakes, funerals, or cemetery’s. I mean they are dead right? The second they die we might as well just say “Oh well” and move on. To people that think this, or say this to you. Just tell them, that you will remember that when they die.


~Your attitude sucks~

Yea, probably. LOL Nothing else in your life will ever be as big of an issue as your child dying. You may come off very heartless, cold, and not very sympathetic, and family and friends have a very hard time with that. Well, if they are understanding they won’t. So I didn’t make it to your birthday party, or whatever, I’m pretty sure you will live. Your priorities are made very clear after something like this happens. You appreciate that dandelion in the grass and a birthday is just another day. You don’t do anything you don’t want to do. That is the bottom line. If you think I’m a snot, well, then you didn’t know me before Erik died, I’m pretty sure I was a snot then too. It’s just now I really don’t care if you know it. LOL 

~It's only YOUR choice~
Honor your child however you see fit. If you want to have a memorial site online. Do something in your community. Whatever. This is your child and he/she has died, you do whatever you want to keep their memory alive. It's up to you and no one else! If they don't like what you are doing, then they can just go away and not be around it. I choose to have a memorial site for Erik and help save others through MFSD. If people don't like what i say or do on Erik's site, or in his honor....then don't look at it! People who lose a child will become even more protective over that child, so be prepared for that. It's all we have left. Not too hard to understand. If you don't like what someone is doing in your community for the loss of their child, ignore it. Better that then do something you can't take back.

~Just SAY NO~

People are going to think you are being difficult. This applies to the above category of your attitude sucking. When something like this happens, you are lucky to have the energy to get up each morning, let alone function on a daily basis. Losing a child and the grief that accompanies it is extremely draining. I think it was Dr. Phil that said losing a child is the #1 stressor anyone will ever endure. So say no if you don’t want to do things after work, or go to a Tupperware party or whatever! If it wasn’t for Dale telling me 5 times in the morning to get up. I would have never made it through this. Once I’m up, I’m ok, but you feel like you could just sleep forever. Since Erik’s death I get about 4 hours a night. Nothing helps it either. Your body learns to run on empty. I’m sorry if I don’t want to do much outside of work. What energy I do have, I’m saving for me and dale! We get out plenty and do things. It’s priorities again. Do for you and learn to say no.

~You have changed and pulled away~

Again, yep, probably. Of course I have changed, I don’t feel much, but my child is dead, of course that is going to change you! I have never been someone to lean on others for anything. NEVER! I have been very independent my whole life. I understand my son died, and people think this is the one time I should be reaching out. I have, to the people I am closest too. I talk about it with who I see fit. I do not find comfort in many people. I have always been that way, always have. I think it’s the other people who want me to turn to them that have the difficult time with it. I can’t be there for others to help them through this, I can barely help myself. I have never needed a lot of people around me, and since Erik has died, I have done what I need to do to be happy. I speak for MYSELF on this. Everyone is in control of their own lives and who they let in it. Again, people will say it’s the grief talking as to why you are not allowing certain people in. It might just be because that is who you are. Nothing like the death of a child will allow you to be you more….it’s freeing in a way. Plus a lot of parents say they just don’t have the energy for it.


~Bye Bye~

Say goodbye to all crap in your life! When your child dies you have the tolerance for NOTHING! Your child is dead and there are selfish people whining about anything and everything. The one thing Dale has learned in counseling and from gods teaching is don’t allow anyone else to steal your glory. If people are going to put you down or are always negative and never have anything nice to say. Why are they in your life? Yes it’s not easy, but life is too short to always hear nothing but negative. So your car got a flat tire, or you burned your dinner, or when you were 10 someone was mean to you. Honestly, please, spare us all and start a diary.

~Forgiveness~

God forgives you when you ask once. You don’t have to keep asking over and over again. So if you hurt someone in the process of your grief, and you want to make amends. Apologize, if they continue to keep reminding you of what a pile of crud you are and they just can’t seem to get past whatever it is. Pray for them, and keep your distance until they realize it has nothing to do with you. If they never get it…how sad for them.

~Grief Sucks~

All in all, that sums it up. It does, but it’s how much you let it control your life that is what really sucks. Some of it can’t be controlled, much of it can. I’m doing quite well, with gods help. I just don’t put up with anything anymore, and that has become quite apparent. Some get angry, some turn to drugs or alcohol, some get so depressed they cant function. Me, I feel god pushing me along, I have faith my son is ok, my humor helps a lot, but the biggest change is if I don’t like something..you will know. LOL I don’t have time anymore for negative people. I’m sick of pretending in my life that certain things are ok when they are not. I’m tired of how sick and selfish this world has become. Erik’s death has showed me it can all be pulled out from underneath us in a blink of an eye. So I’m not wasting it holding anyone’s hand. I love the people in my life, I’m a very kind person, and am very carefree and silly. It’s just if you having nothing to offer me and bring me down or are constantly negative or always seeing the dark side of things. I don’t want you around me. I’m sorry if it offends anyone, but people have forgotten basic respect, and I think it’s sad. Kids don’t respect their parents anymore, people of authority don’t respect their boundaries and human beings don’t respect themselves and it is a sad sad thing.
I’m the mother of a son who died at age 16, but it’s not what defines who I am. It’s a forever thing for me, but it’s not all I’m about.
HUGS to all the angel moms in the world, hang in there!

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Thanks / Wes Black (Friend)
Hey Erik,

My surgury was successful, and I know you were looking down at me during that time I was on the operating table.

Wes Close

I just feel like writting!  / Peter Czech (Freind)

Just remembering the dream I had of you a few weeks ago! It was so awesome! It was just me and you, just hanging out! We were laughing and having a good time talking about nothing, just enjoying are selves. I knew that you that you were not here on earth with us in person anymore. That you had died and the only way we could talk to you was through are spirituality. I wanted to ask you all the questions that I wanted answers to. Were you scared? Were you in pain? What were your last thoughts? How are you now? What’s it like to be ware you are today? Would you change anything about that day? Do you see us? Hear us? Hear are thoughts?

As bad as I wanted those questions and many more answered I couldn’t ask you! I could get the words out. Finally for a change, I didn’t care about the answers to any question. They didn’t matter! It doesn’t matter! All that did matter is that you were happy! Happier then you have ever been. I knew that you were happy since you got there. There was no way to wipe the smile off of your face or mine.

I learned so much from that dream! Materialistic things don’t matter. Who cares if you have a big new house, nice car, the one materialistic thing you’ve wanted all you life. The only thing that matters is happiness. A car does not define a person, a person’s thoughts, values, or experiences. Don’t live life to have something. Live life to be somebody!

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Worshiping / Trisha Anderson (Aunt)
A few weeks ago in church, we were singing a song. The song said something about kneeling at the feet of Jesus and worshiping Him. As I was singing, I had a vision of Erik kneeling down, and I started to cry. As much as we all would like to have Erik back, I know he’s happy.

Erik will forever be “one of my favorite nephews”
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Life is too short  / Wes Black (friend)

Erik, Mandy, and Dale

I had lunch yesterday with a couple of our classmates from Delano, and we were talking about how much fun we had during highschool, and how life is too short.

Some of us go all around the world to see places, and expect everything will go all right in our lives, but we dont know what will be expected wherever we go, or if we just stay home we know everything will be all right, but it isnt in some of our situtions.

The reason why am telling you all of this, is that whatever you do in your life day after day, you will probably get too excited about the things you are doing and all of it will just come back to you the last few days of your life.

For instance, if you go skydiving, and you start to jump off the plane you ask yourself should I do it, or shouldnt I. You dont know what will be expected when you land on the ground. If you will be alright or you will break something that will probably heal for a couple of weeks, but you dont know if you  need for the rest of your life at that time you break it.

Everything going to be alright.

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Watch over  / Dale Henderson (step father )
Erik
I would like to start out Erik with how proud i am of your mother, she is a very strong, loving and kind person. but people don't see when she has a hard day, they don't see the hurt, that you are gone and the love she had for you. People don't see how hard it is, it has been thrity two years since my mom has died and i still am not over it, you never get over it, i believe i have been depressed for years because when i was growing up people just did not talk about death, now that i am in counseling i see what a mistake that was, people must talk about the loved ones that have passed away. people need to mourn their loved ones when ever they feel like it, no matter how many years go by. So when i am weak and down and so is your mother, please be there to watch over her and help pick her up, she will never get over the loss of you. but with you there watching over her, it will be better.

Love always Dale
Watch over all our loved ones. Close

I wonder, I hope, i know...random thoughts.  / Mandy (Eriks Mom )

I wonder….

~I wonder if I will recognize my son in heaven~

~I wonder sometimes if this is it~

~I wonder what else the future holds~

~I wonder why people are so blind to themselves~

~I wonder why people curse self improvement~

~ I wonder why people think the dead should be forgotten~

~I wonder why it seems there are never enough hours in a day~

~I wonder why some people always play the victim~

~I wonder if people realize how smart I really am~

~I wonder if we will move & get the land we want~

~I wonder if Erik sees & hears us~

~I wonder if Elizabeth will ever want to find us & what she is like~

I hope……..

~I hope my son died without pain & not aware~

~I hope Mike has forgiven himself…we have~

~I hope I never lose my sense of humor~

~I hope we live to be old and gray~

~I hope I’m done with surgeries for the rest of my life~

~I hope Dale realizes how proud I am of him~

~I hope the grief lessens in time~

~I hope people understand that they can’t understand~

~I hope people never forget Erik~

~I hope we give thanks for our blessings often enough~

~I hope all our dreams and wishes for the future come true~

~I hope Erik’s friends have tons of kids & let us be step grandparents~

I know….

~I know things happen for a reason~

~I know what I want in my life even if others don’t understand my choices~

~I know why Dale & I found one another~

~I know I’m strong, just want a break for a while~

~I know my son was a great kid and he is safe now~

~I know I have things I need to work on, we all do~

~I know grief sucks~
 
~I know stone throwers have yet to find god~

~I know what faith in god meant after my sons death~

~I know I’ll be ok~

~I know Dale misses his mom greatly~

~I know people talk, let them~

~I know some people think we don’t care, we do, they will get it someday~

~I know life is too short to be unhappy~

~I know people can change~ 

~I know living for self can seem selfish. I know life is too short to not live for self.  If i worried about that, i wouldn't be living for self~

~I know god comes first~

“Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher”
Oprah Winfrey 

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Write, Write and Write some more!  / Mandy (Erik Mom )
I have really found when you are going through something such as the death of a child. A great way to relieve stress or to just get your feelings out is to find an online blog, diary, or journal site and just let it all out! I used to write a lot of poetry and i'm just now getting back into it. Whatever is on your mind, you can just let it fly right out your fingertips. I created a site and boy am i glad i did it. It is a site that really has little to do with Erik. It's a site where i can say whatever, and i mean WHATEVER and i have! lol Diary sites are more for private use, just between you and your diary. Blogs and Journals can be more public. There is something about making them public that makes you feel more validated, and heard. People don't have to know who you are. Just let it rip. Make it private. OR Public, but private if you know what i mean. People can come across it and think what they want, as long as you don't disclose personal information about someone, your free to be yourself! I find it to be very helpful. Close

Happy St. Patty's Day  / Tally Jackson Mommy Of Angel Lucas

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Thinking of you  / JoAnna Quinn's Sister
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Hey / Wes Black (friend)
Erik,

I hope you can watch over me through this hard and nervous time I am going through. I am going to be having surgery soon, and I hope you look over me through this difficult time I am going through.

Wes Close

THINKING OF YOU AT ST. PATRICK'S DAY  / Dianne/Mom Of Angel Nicholas White

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We get one shot people. It's not looking so good!  / Eriks Mom & Dale Between PS2 Pauses! Lol

Eriks death has shown us life is short.....it's also shown me this world stinks.

I went on Rosie O'Donnell's website to ask her a question on adoption the other day. I know she has 4 adopted kids and she welcomes questions about it. Oh lord, I hear the gasps already from the peanut gallery. They are thinking about adopting??? We think about alot of things. Will they ever happen? Who knows, I guess YOU will when and if it ever happens. I also think about what i'll do with all the money when i win the lottery. Yea, don't lose any sleep over it. I just had some thoughts i wanted to see what she had to say. Who knows what the future holds for any of us. 
Anyway...I could not believe the amount of people on her site bashing her for being gay. Ok, whether I agree with her lifestyle or not, is not my business. Here is a woman who gave 4 kids who needed a home, a home. They are happy, taken care of and have no worries. Isn't that all that matters? Who are we to judge her? WHAT IF, we get to heaven someday, and we are asked who gave us the right to judge people on earth, who told US it was our job? We all do it, some way worse than others. What if we don't make it to heaven because of that? On TV last night, CNN was bashing Anna Nicole Smith for being white trailer trash! HUH?! Ok, she wasn't my favorite person in the world either, but white trailer trash? She was a human being, who had problems in her life. Who hasn't?? She dealt with things the best way she knew how. What happened to basic humanity. What happened to treating people how you want to be treated?
Dale and I have talked about this tons of times, and he has had more than one of his counselors say it as well. Surround yourself with people that respect you and appreciate you. You may not be perfect, but you don't need to be reminded of it constantly when your not. If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. There is a woman at work ( I work with a huge staff so I'm not afraid to admit it, could be anyone lol) she just never has anything nice to say. Always negative. She will point the finger at everyone else instead of looking in the mirror at how truly unhappy she really is. She is always the victim and EVERYONE else is the problem. I just decided this year, I'm not going to let her get to me, I'm going to kill her with kindness. It worked...she is miserable and keeps her distance. I am not.
So to all the Rosie O'Donnell's and Anna Nicole Smiths in this world. Be who you are, live for yourself and how you see fit. Surround your life with what you want. If it ends up being wrong in the end, well, then it's wrong. We will deal with it then. If it feels right now, then live your life. It's YOUR life, if people don't like it, it's a good think they don't live with ya then isn't it. 


~If I have disrespected anyone along the way, I apologize, but if you disrespected me first, then I was just showing you how silly you looked~

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AMEN TO THIS!  / Mandy Eriks Mom

I found this on a womans site that lost her child. I think it's the BEST thing i have come across since Erik's death. I couldn't have said it better myself. She is right on, and to those who don't "get it" you never will, unless you have also lost a child. God forbid. We must move on in life, but this is something that is never void from our minds, not even for 5 seconds, and that is not an exaggeration. When you become a bereaved parent, you learn to let alot slide off your back. If you reacted to everyones stupidity, it would be all you did all day. Trust me! LOL She just made so much sense.....

If someone says: You need to get over this.

*I don't ever see myself getting over this. "This" is my son/daughter, a part of me.
 
*Having your child die is something no one should ever "get over". 

*Funny the entire country is allowed to mourn the death of Elvis 23 years after his death, yet you ask me to get over the death of my child. I will never get over his/her death but I will go on. Walking through the door of grief and not over or around it.
And just how do you propose I do that?
 
*He/she was my son/daughter, he/she was real, this is something I'll never get over.
 
*Uh, you wouldn't say that if you had lost your child. And if you could, perhaps you should not have had children in the first place.

*You don't get over the loss of a loved one, especially a child. It is something you live with for the rest of your life.
 
*This is not a cold, this is the death of our children. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If someone says: It's time to let go and move on.

*This is my first time dealing with the death of one of my children. Grief doesn't come with a handbook on how is the right way to grieve. I do what I have to do to get through each day and until you have spent one day or even on minute in my situation please don't tell me what I should do or how I should be acting by now. My life has changed forever, it will never be the same again, I am doing the best I can to keep moving forward and yes there are times when I fall backwards and have to start all over again. So please just be patient with me and try to understand my loss. 

*I am moving on, I get up everyday. 

*How do you know? Have you been in my shoes?

*Letting go? No, you can't let go of a person you loved. You carry that love with you always. Moving on? Every day we "move on", but that doesn't mean we forget!
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 If someone says : You need to find a hobby.

*No matter how many hobbies I have I'll never forget my son/daughter.
You don't replace a child with a hobby. I do have ways to keep me busy, but my child is always on my mind. 

*How can you suggest that a hobby could replace the love and loss of a child? 

*Oh I have, talking to other Mom's who KNOW the pain we all feel.
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If someone says: Time will heal.

*Time won't heal this hurt, it only makes it easier to bear.
 
*I have heard that too and I am waiting, I'll let you know.
 
*Exactly how much time would it take you to "heal" after something like this? 

*Time is endless. 

*No, time doesn't heal, it just makes it easier to cope.

*Time does ease the Intense pain, but the deep scars are forever. 

*Time also punishes me.
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If someone says: I don't know how you carry on, I know if it was me that I couldn't. At least your child lived one-fourth of his/her life.

*What age would you chose for your child to die?
 
*What choice do we have, BUT to carry on?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If someone says: You're a strong person, God knew you'd be able to carry this burden.

*Strong people still bleed and believe it or not their hearts still break. 

*Well it is no burden I wish to carry, thank you. 

*I am not strong, I am just surviving and trying to do what I am need to do. You wouldn't say I was strong if you see me when I really fall apart and can't stop crying.
 
*First death of a child is not a burden, it is DEVASTATION, and God has seen me through, not choosing me as a burden carrier. Strong is an understatement. 

*Truly I am so very weak, torn and bruised, hiding behind a mask of some sort, one day I hope I may remove it in your presence. 
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If someone says: I don't want to hear about your son/daughter or about his/her grave. I want to hear about you. How are you?

*I am here.
 
*I am sad and missing my child. Please do not act like he never existed. Cause he/she did to me.
 
*My child is part of me. So, if you want to hear about me, you'll hear about him/her, too.
 
*My child was such a big part of me, that I can't tell you about me without mentioning him/her as well. 

*How do you think I am? I lost my child.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
If someone says: I know how you feel, I lost my dad/brother/friend last year.

*Come on. Not even close. 

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Thinking about you everyday  / Wes Black (friend/classmate)
Erik,

I miss you buddy. I am still thinking of you. Thanks for the great memories through out our school years together. Everybody misses you.

From your buddy,

Wes Close

Sorry :(  / Wes Black (Friend, Classmate )
Dear Mandy and Dale,

    I havent really said how sorry I am about your loss. I know it has been two years since he has past on, and I just noticed this site just now. I feel really terrible that I havent really said that I am sorry for all of this time. He loved his family and friends, his saxophone, the band, all of the bandmembers, and his precious letterjacket so much I am just going to say I am so sorry about the loss of one of your family members. Erik really appreciated what you two did for him. All of us in the Class of 2006 are really going to miss him as much as you two do.

From his friend and classmate,

Wes Black Close

Still Thinking of Him  / Nate Brunken (Friend)
It seems like its been more than just 2 years. Just wanted to say i'm still thinking of Erik. I wish I was home so I could have gone to see him on the anniversary of the accident. Close

Beautiful Website  / Marla Tyler Breton's Mom (Another Grieving Mom )
I just want u to know how nice of a job u did on your Son's site. I hope it helps people realize how fragile life really is and that cars are not toys.I wanted to do something similar on Ty's site too but I have a very hard time looking at the pictures of his car.My heart breaks for you because I feel exactly how you do and wouldnt wish that on anyone.I never got to say Goodbye to my Tyler before he died and it makes me ill knowing I cant ever talk to him face to face again. I miss him as you do Erik. Please know you are thought of and people do care.Take care ,
With Love,
Marla, Tyler Breton's Mom Close

For Every Moment  / Carla Hannibal (Another Grieving Mom )
For Happy moments, praise God.
For Difficult moments, seek God.
For Quiet moments, worship God.
For Painful moments, trust God.
For Every moment shared with Erik, thank God.
Peace to you and your family.
rory-adams.memory-of.com Close

Sounds of love  / Dale Henderson (Step Father )
Erik
There is such a emptyness since you have been gone, but we learn from those change's and we learn to grow and to help others, and we pray that those changes help others grow. I thank you for having such a great group of friends. They look up to me and they think i am your true Father. Your friends dont judge others and they dont look down on people and think they are better than that person, instead they learn from that person and accept them for who they are and together learn from each others strenghts.  Last Night we had all your friends over for your second annvirsery, it was a beauitful site seeing all them over and the sounds of the house being full of life again, i took scrappy outside last night and just listen to all your friends having fun here. They could have been anywhere else that night but they chose it being here with us and celebrateing your life.I know that you know, God's plan for us and how things will play out in are lives. All your Mom and i can do is keep  praying and hoping we are making the right choices in life. 
God bless you Erik
P.s. SayHi to my Mom, Lu, cousin Danny, and my best friend Vern  tell them i love them and miss them dearly. 
Love always Dale.



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